She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
