How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
