So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
