How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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