we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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