You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
