Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
