We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
