your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
