I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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