Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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