I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
where does the pee come out of this thing
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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