I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
