I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
