Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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