She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
