I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
