So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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