yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
