She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
