FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for