Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
