i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
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I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
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When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself