Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
