the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
