He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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