and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
