he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
