I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
