i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize