the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
