ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
