I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
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i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
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just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize