dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
