I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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