Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
