I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
