I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM VODKA MAN
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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