I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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