We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
