I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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