I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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