ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
not ubering you a puppy
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
