How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
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