i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
