You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
