is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
