I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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