Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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