Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
