cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
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