I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
