When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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