Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
