hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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