He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
