i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize