Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
