come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
