what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
