im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
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she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
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Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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