I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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