____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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